sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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