Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
