So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
