I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
