is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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