i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
