I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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