yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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