Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
