after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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