Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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