i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
