I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
