I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
