I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
