He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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