If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
