remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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