There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
