Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am puke
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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