Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
