new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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