Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
this hospital has no fireball
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
