Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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