I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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