I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
