i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
