Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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