I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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