I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
