She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize