My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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