yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize