You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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