Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
