yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
