yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
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