Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
