Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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