Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
