Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
