Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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