I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How does one acquire holy water?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
