Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
