I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
