The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
