I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
