Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
