I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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