1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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