Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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