So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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