I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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