The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
