Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think my vagina is haunted
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize