Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
