sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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