I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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