five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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