For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
