I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
