It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
