Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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