Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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