It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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