I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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