Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
