I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
