Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
