So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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