So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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