Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
