About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
