You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Randomize
