u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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